I am still haunted to this day by one afternoon's discussion during the introduction to theology class I took as a freshman at the Catholic, all-boys Xaverian Brothers High School outside of Boston. The topic of the day was homosexuality, and Miss Butler encouraged students to participate and share their views. I distinctly remember eagerly raising my hand to condemn same-sex attraction and oppose any civil rights that would protect such sinners.
Twelve years have passed since then, and I am now openly gay, quite happy, and confident. But I cannot shake the horrifying recollection of that theology lesson and am riddled with questions. What was that young boy thinking? How did I come to form such a harsh opinion? Was I in denial about my own sexuality, or perhaps even so paranoid as to attempt to throw my peers off of my trail? I believe that the rhetoric I had absorbed from my local Church's weekly mass and Confraternity of Christian Curriculum (CCD -- religious education for Catholics) came spewing out of my mouth without ever being properly processed. I cringe at the thought of anybody I may have hurt, in addition to myself, from my hateful and icy-cold opinion.
I am proud of the hurdles I have overcome since then: accepting my sexual orientation, coming out to friends and family, loving myself, and most arduous, affirming that God loves me just as I am. But I still bear the scars from the years of rejection I endured. I continue to feel like an outcast disenfranchised by the Catholic Church, despite my ongoing affiliation as an alum of the Augustinian-rooted Villanova University and serving in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps after graduation. I am too devoted to my religious tradition to fully relinquish it and switch denominations. I feel like I am in a sort of limbo waiting for the Vatican to wake up and realize they lost Christ's message of overwhelming love and salvation amidst their irrational obsession with sexuality and women's reproductive organs. As an optimist I prefer to hold on to renewed hope from Pope Francis' unanticipated election and his subversive comments, to treasure the camaraderie I feel alongside Catholic friends who are LGBT allies, and to celebrate the wealth of diverse Christian backgrounds and traditions I have discovered through working at Progressive Christians Uniting.
Yours in faith,
Sean Patrick Coady
Associate Director